Before we talk about what to do, we need to slow down and look at what we already believe.

Our beliefs shape everything. How we respond at 2am. How we feel when someone offers advice. How we judge ourselves when things feel hard. Most of these beliefs were handed to us long before we became parents.

This activity is designed to help you see what you actually believe, so you can decide what serves your family and what doesn't.

There are no right answers here. The goal is simply to be open and honest with yourself. The more honest you are, the more clarity you will find. And that clarity will help you right now, in this season.

How to use this: Each parent should complete this on their own first, without discussing it. Once you have both finished, come together and share what came up. This is your personal work. You do not need to share your responses in the community.

Start here. Everything begins with awareness.
1
Feeding
Breastfeeding is...
Formula feeding is...
Now take a moment...
Where did your beliefs about feeding come from? (family, social media, a doctor, your own experience, culture)
Is there anything you marked that surprised you?
Do your beliefs around feeding support your family or add pressure?
2
Where and How Baby Sleeps
Sleeping independently is...
Co-sleeping is...
Now take a moment...
Where did your beliefs about where your baby sleeps come from? (family, a doctor, social media, your own instincts)
Did you answer differently for each column? What does that tell you?
Is there a belief here that feels more like pressure than truth?
3
Sleep Training
Sleep training is...
Now take a moment...
Where did your beliefs about sleep training come from? (a doctor, social media, family, something you read, your own experience)
Is there anything you marked that surprised you?
Do your beliefs about sleep training feel like your own, or did someone else hand them to you?
4
Crying
When my baby cries at night it is...
When my baby cries during the day it is...
Now take a moment...
Did you answer differently for night vs. day? What does that tell you?
Where did your beliefs about crying come from? (instinct, your own childhood, a doctor, social media, family)
When your baby cries, what does your body do? What does that reaction tell you about what you believe?
5
When My Baby Cries, I Am There To...
When my baby cries, I am there to...
Now take a moment...
Are you there to support your baby's crying or stop it? What does that tell you about what you believe crying means?
What did you learn about crying growing up? Think about what messages you received as a young child, a school aged child, a teenager, and as an adult before becoming a parent.
Now that you have finished, take a breath.

You just did something most parents never do. You slowed down and got honest with yourself about what you really believe. That takes courage.

Before you sit down with your partner, take a moment to notice:

What surprised you most?

What felt uncomfortable to admit?

What belief are you ready to question?

There is no perfect way to have this conversation. Just come to it with the same openness and honesty you brought to this activity. You are not trying to convince each other of anything. You are simply trying to understand each other a little better.

This is how effective communication begins. When we take the time to understand our own beliefs first, we can show up for each other with more compassion and less judgment. We stop reacting and start listening. We stop assuming and start asking.

That is where everything changes.
That is how we show up for each other and for our children.

Ready to save your responses? Download a PDF to keep for yourself or to share with your partner.